Jokes In English – Latest English Jokes

Teacher – What is “Life Cycle.?”

Pappu : – Its Hard to pedal a cycle for too long ,so we shift to a bike…then we shift to more comfort, we buy a car…because of the car we develop a tummy & join the Gym.

In the Gym they again give you a cycle …

this is called a “Life Cycle”


 

All TV and no workout makes you a potato on the couch.
couch-potato-zoopworld


 

A one dollar bill met a twenty dollar bill and said, “Hey, where’ve you been? I haven’t seen you around here much.”

The twenty answered, “I’ve been hanging out at the casinos, went on a cruise and did the rounds of the ship, back to the United States for awhile, went to a couple of baseball games, to the mall, that kind of stuff. How about you?”

The one dollar bill said, “You know, same old stuff… church, church, church.”


 

For a couple of years I’ve been blaming it on lack of sleep and too much pressure from my job, but now I found out the real reason:

I’m tired because I’m overworked.

The population of this country is 237 million.

104 million are retired.

That leaves 133 million to do the work.

There are 85 million in school, which leaves 48 million to do the work.

Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government, leaving 19 million to do the work.

2.8 million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 16.2 million to do the work.

Take from the total the 14,800,000 people who work for State and City Governments and that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.

At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals, leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.

Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons.

That leaves just two people to do the work.

You and me.

And you’re sitting there reading jokes!


 

Date a Bong (Bengali) and have your own
‘Bae’ of Bengal


 

One boy to another boy –

“Aaj tak jitni ladkiyon ko propose kiya hai, kisi ne bhi ‘na’ nahi kaha. Sabne bas ‘ha’ hi kaha hai, vo bhi teen baar ‘hahaha’ ”


 

Guide : I welcome you all to the Niagara falls. These are the world’s largest waterfalls and the sound intensity of the waterfall is so high, sound of even 20 supersonic planes passing can’t b heard!

Now may I request the ladies to keep quiet so that we can hear the Niagara Falls?


 

If you love someone,
Set her free…
If she comes back, she’s yours,
If she doesn’t, she never was….

Pessimist: If you love someone,
Set her free …
If she ever comes back, she’s yours,
If she doesn’t, as expected, she never was

Optimist:
If you love someone,
Set her free …
Don’t worry, she will come back.

Suspicious:
If you love someone,
Set her free …..
If she ever comes back, ask her why.

Playful:
If you love someone,
Set her free …
If she comes back, and if you love her still,
set her free again, repeat.

Psychologist:
If you love someone
Set her free
If she comes back her super ego is dominant
If she doesn’t come back her id is supreme
If she doesn’t go, she must be crazy.

Biologist:
If you love someone,
Set her free,
She’ll evolve.


 

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married.

The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.


 

Son : “Dad, there is someone at the door to collect donations for a community swimming pool.”
Father : “Okay, give him a glass of water.”


 

Que : What did the grape do when it got stepped on?

Ans : It let out a little wine!


 

A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself.

Approaching the friend, he comments, “You look terrible. What’s the problem?”

“My mother died in August,” he said, “and left me $25,000.”

“Gee, that’s tough,” he replied.

“Then in September,” the friend continued, “my father died, leaving me $90,000.”

“Wow. Two parents gone in two months. No wonder you’re depressed.”

“Then last month, my aunt died and left me $15,000.”

“Three close family members lost in three months? How sad.”

“Then this month,” continued the friend, “absolutely nothing!”


 

Three old friends got together and were discussing what movie they had watched when they conceived their children.

One lady says she had just watched a movie called The Search for One-eye Jimmy and nine months later she gave birth to her baby.

Another lady says, “Oh, I saw the movie Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs and then nine months later I had septuplets.”

The last lady gasps and exclaims, “Oh no, I just watched 101 Dalmations!”


 

212

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Two (2) mere agal bagal hai…


 

Which is Superman’s Favorite Song ?

.

.

.

.

.

think!

.

.

.

.

.

think a little more

.

.

.

.

.

don’t know?

.

.

.

.

.

we’ll tell you

its – “Hawaa mein udta jaye, mera laal dupattaa malmal ka”


 

Que : Why do teddy bears never feel hungry ?

Ans : Because they are always stuffed.


 

What would you do to survive in this situation ?

123-zoopworld

Think

.

.

.

.

.

Think

.

.

.

.

.

Think a little more

.

.

.

.

.

Think a little harder

.

.

.

.

.

Give up?

.

.

.

.

.

Ok, try again!

.

.

.

.

.

Think again

.

.

.

.

.

Ok, Here’s the answer –

.

.

.

.

.

1234-zoopworld


 

Que : What do witches put on their hair ?

Ans : Scare spray!


 

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger.

Then it hit me.


 

Which song is this?
12.99999

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

tera hone laga hoon …


 

Teacher to a Boy : Why do you talk so much with girls in the class ?

Boy : Sir, I am poor. I do no have whatsapp on my phone.


 

During a heart transplant.

Doctor : Shit
Nurse : What happened?
Doctor : My mobile network is gone.
Nurse : So?
Doctor : I don’t know what to do next.
Nurse : Why?
Doctor : I’m from IIN.


 

Ladkiyo ki ek smile ladko ko confuse kar deti hai..

Poore din tak samajh hi nahi aata ki…

“HANS KE DEKH RAHI THI” ya “DEKH KAR HANS RAHI THI.”!!


 

Sign-Of-God-Zoopworld


Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth.

Then it just becomes a soap opera.


 

Que: What did one traffic light say to the other?

Ans : Don’t look at me while I’m changing!


 

Que : How do you know carrots are good for the eyes?

Ans : You never see a rabbit wearing glasses.


 

Hansa: Praful elastic matlab ?
Praful: Elastic Hansa…! Apni voh radha ben unki beti ila… Usko jab fracture hua tha to voh kya leke chalti thi?
Hansa: Ila…Ila – stick leke… Ila-stick !! Ila-stick!!!


 

Jenny and John went to the Market to buy some Pigs.
Jenny bought one and John bought one, but they ended up having not enough money for two pig sties, so they bought only one, and decided to put both their Pigs in there.

But then Jenny said, “how will we tell them apart?”

So, John cut his Pig’s ear off.
During the night, John’s Pig was eating off the ear of Jenny’s Pig, so John cut off the other ear of his Pig. And during that night, John’s Pig was eating off the other ear of Jenny’s Pig.

In the morning John and Jenny couldn’t tell them apart, so
Jenny said ” Look, i’ll just have the white Pig, and you take the black one!


 

Que : When is the best time to go to the dentist ?

Ans : Tooth – Hurty


 

How do you start a teddy bear race?
Ready, teddy, go.


 

After being pulled over –

Police Officer : How high are you?
Me : No officer, it’s ” Hi! How are you? ”


 

One day a beautiful girl goes to a medical store and stands outside for a long time. She was waiting for the queue to clear up.

The shop owner started doubting her.

Finally, when there were no customers left, the girl entered the store.

She called a salesman in the corner. The shop owner became alert.

The girl showed a paper to the salesman and whispered –

” Bhaiya,

.

.

.

I am engaged to a Doctor. Today, he sent me a letter. Could you please read it to me?

I can’t understand the handwriting.”


 

I found a leaflet in my newspaper this morning which read –
“ARE YOU AN ALCOHOLIC? CALL NOW. WE CAN HELP!”

My wife insisted I make the call.

I Called up.

It Was A Liquor Shop Offer : Buy 3 & Get 1 Free …

My eyes were filled with tears of joy!


 

Laugh More With Our Amazing Collection of Jokes On Your Favorite Categories

Latest Jokes In HindiFamily JokesKnock Knock Jokes
Animal JokesFood JokesMovie Jokes
Celebrity JokesFunny PicturesOffice Jokes

Related Posts

About The Author

Add Comment