Political Jokes

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Rahul Gandhi has started early preparations for 2019 polls.
Slogan is ready –
leher ke baad boonda-baandi,
abki bar Rahul Gandhi …


 

Kejriwal ne 12 baje ghadi me time dekha to usne ghadi tod di..

Jab Kisi ne puchha kyun todi?

To bola..

Yeh teeno suiya mili hui hai!!


 

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common: they should both be changed regularly… and for the same reason….


 

Laloo to his P.A. : Itne khiladi kyun football ko laat maar rahe hai?
P.A.: Goal kar ne k liye.
Laloo: Sasura, ball toh pehle se hi gol hai aur kitna gol karenge!


 

Last PM was on Silent? mode.
This PM is on flight mode.

PM-Mode-zoopworld


 

Abhi parents ko sochna padega ki –

Bacche ko chai ki dukan pe bhejke Modi banana hai ya,
IIT mein bhejke Kejriwal.


 

If con is the opposite of pro, then is Congress the opposite of progress ?


 

Guard enters Sonia Gandhi’s office – “Madam aapka MMS aaya hai!!”

Sonia Gandhi- Oh Noo!!

Manmohan Singh enters: “Kamino. Mera poora naam liya karo.”


 

Conversation between George W. and his National Security Advisor, Condolezza Rice –

George: Condi! Nice to see you. What’s happening?

Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.

George: Great. Lay it on me.

Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.

George: That’s what I want to know.

Condi: That’s what I’m telling you.

George: That’s what I’m asking you. Who is the new leader of China?

Condi: Yes.

George: I mean the fellow’s name.

Condi: Hu.

George: The guy in China.

Condi: Hu.

George: The new leader of China.

Condi: Hu.

George: The Chinaman!

Condi: Hu is leading China.

George: Now whaddya’ asking me for?

Condi: I’m telling you Hu is leading China.

George: Well, I’m asking you. Who is leading China?

Condi: That’s the man’s name.

George: That’s who’s name?

Condi: Yes.

George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.

Condi: That’s correct.

George: Then who is in China?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir is in China?

Condi: No, sir.

George: Then who is?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir?

Condi: No, sir.

George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China.

Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.

Condi: Kofi?

George: No, thanks.

Condi: You want Kofi?

George: No.

Condi: You don’t want Kofi.

George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.

Condi: Kofi?

George: Milk! Will you please make the call?

Condi: And call who?

George: Who is the guy at the U.N?

Condi: Hu is the guy in China.

George: Will you stay out of China?!

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.

Condi: Kofi.

George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone. (Condi picks up the phone.)

Condi: Rice, here.

George: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. Maybe we should send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East. Can you get Chinese food in the Middle East?


 

Bush : Tujhe swimming aati hai?
Laloo : No!

Bush : Tere se acha to mera kutta hai jo swim kar leta hai.
Laloo : Tujhe aati hai?

Bush : Haan!
Laloo: Phir tere mein aur kutte mein kya farak hai…


 

Sheldon : Who are you?

Rahul Gandhi : I am Batman.

Sheldon : You are Batman?

Rahul Gandhi : Yes. My father was killed when I was a child. I inherited a big empire. I was unable to handle it. I left without informing anyone. I went to a secret location. Only to come back with special powers and a new personality. So, I am Batman.

Sheldon : You are insane.

Rahul Gandhi : I am not insane. My mother had me… Oh! actually she didn’t.


 

This year has seen the coldest winter .

It’s been so cold that numerous politicians have actually been seen with their hands in their own pockets.


 

Rahul Gandhi : Mom, hum is desh ko kab tak lootenge??
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Sonia : “JAB TAK HAI JAAN”
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Rahul Gandhi : Hamari help kaun karega??
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Sonia : “SON OF SARDAR”


 

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, “What is politics?”

The dad says, “Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I’m the breadwinner of the family, so let’s call me capitalism. Your mother, she’s the administrator of the money, so we’ll call her the government. We’re here to take care of your needs, so we’ll call you the people. The nanny, we’ll consider her the working class. And your baby brother, we’ll call him the future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense.”

The little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has soiled his diaper. The little boy goes to his parents’ room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny’s room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his father, “Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now.”

The father says, “Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.”

The little boy replies, “Well, while capitalism is screwing the working class, the government is sound asleep, the people are being ignored and the future is in deep shit.”


 

Rahul – Mom, apki wajah se meri shaadi nahi ho paa rahi.
Sonia – Kyun beta?
Rahul – Har taraf to likha hai ki Sonia ko bahumat do.


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