School – College Jokes

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Teacher : Duniya mein postman to bahut hain par koi postwoman kyun nahi hoti ?

Student : Isliye ki woman ek hi delivery mein 9 mahine laga deti


 

A fourth grade teacher asks the class, “Have any of you ever saved somebody’s life?”

A little boy raises his hand, “Yes, my little nephew’s.”

“Wow, what a little hero you are! How did you do that, sweetie?” asks the teacher.

The little guy replies, “I hid my sister’s birth control pills!”


 

Que : Why did the clock get kicked out of the classroom?
Ans : It tocked too much …


 

Sir : Bachhon kasam khao kabhi sharab, cigarette, nahi peeyoge, non-veg nahi khaoge.

Bachhe : Ok Sir

Sir : Ladkiyon ko nahi chedoge.

Bachhe : Ok Sir

Sir : Jua nahi kheloge

Bachhe : Ok Sir

Sir : Desh ke liye jaan bhi de doge

Bachhe : De denge Sir. Aisi jaan ka aur karenge bhi kya.


 

Maths teacher asks a boy what are 2,4,10,17.





The boy replies they are HBO, ZOOM, SONY and POGO.


 

It is no fault of the student because a year has only 365 days.

Days in a year = 365 days
Sundays = 52 days (Sundays are meant for rest)
Days left = 313 days
Summer Vacations = 60 days (Weather is very hot, so it is difficult to study)
Days left = 253 days
Eight hours of daily sleep = 122 days (Necessary)
Days left = 131 days
One hour daily for play = 15 days (It’s good for health)
Days left = 116 days
Two hours for daily food = 30 days (Chew the food properly, don’t care for time)
Days left = 86 days
Examination days in a year = 30 days (Giving exams is necessary)
Days left = 56 days
Winter vacations = 25 days (Weather is cold, it’s difficult to study)
Days left = 31 days
Other holidays = 20 days (These holidays are to enjoy)
Days left = 11 days
Illness at least once a year = 8 days (Because of illness, study is difficult)
Days left = 3 days
Result days = 3 days (Going and taking result is necessary)
Days left = 0 days

So tell me when is there time to study?!


 

Teacher : Oxygen was discovered around 1773. It is must for breathing.

Pappu : Thank God! i was born after that. Pehle paida hota to mar hi jaata.

oxygen-zoopworld


 

Teacher : Define Energy

Student : Ma’am, poora nahi aata hai. Last ka pata hai thoda bas

Teacher : Theek hai. Jitna aata hai, utna bolo.

Student : and this is called energy …


 

Teacher : 1 se 10 tak count karke batao

Student : 1,2,3,4,5,7,8,9,10

Teacher : 6 kahan hai ?

Student : Aaj subah TV pe news pe bata raha tha, ek bus durghatna mein 6 ki maut ho gayi.


 

Teacher : Write a short note on Maths

Student : When maths was 13 years old, he made his first girlfriend and loved her a lot. But, one day when he broke up with her, she ran away and never came back. Maths was very worried and from that day he had given all of us the task to find his ‘x’


 

Ek student roz apne Maths teacher ko phone lagata
Teacher’s Wife : Kitni baar bataya ki vo mar chuke hain, phir baar-baar kyun phone karte ho ?

Student : Sun ke acha lagta hai!


 

Admission ke time –

Principal : Main tumse ek mishkil sawal puchun ya 10 asaan ?

Student : Ek mushkil sawal.

Principal : Batao, din pehle aata hai ya raat ?

Student : Din

Principal : Wo kaise ?

Student : Sorry, ye aapne doosra sawal pooch liya.


 

Teacher : 2 mein se 2 gaye to kitne rahe ?

Student : Ma’am, samajh nahi aaya

Teacher : Beta, tumhare paas 2 roti hai, tumne 2 roti khali to tumhare paas kya bacha ?

Student : Sabzi


 

Que : What is गुरूत्वाकर्षण???
Ans : When you fall in love with your teacher.


 

A group of young children were siting in a circle with their teacher. The teacher was going around in turn asking them questions.

Teacher : Rahul, what noise does a cow make?
Rahul : It goes moo.

Moo-Cow-zoopworld

Teacher : Pinky, what noise does a cat make?
Pinky : It goes meow.

cat-goes-meow-zoopworld

Teacher : Seeta, what sound does a lamb make?
Seeta : It goes baaa.

baa-zoopworld

Teacher : Raj, what sound does a mouse make?
Raj : Errr.., it goes.. click!

click-zoopworld


 

Hum sirf ye sochkar apni answer sheet khaali chod aate hain ke kahin teachers ye na kahe –
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” Dekho aaj kal ke bachhe kaise badon ko jawab dete hain “.

Sanskar you know!


 

Pappu : Mam, aap mere ek sawal ka jawab dengi?

Mam : Han han, poocho.

Pappu : Ek line mein 3 chitiyan chal rahi thi. Beech wali cheenti bolti hai, ” Mere aage bhi do cheenti aur mere peeche bhi 2 cheenti “. To aap bataiye total kitne cheenti chal rhe the ?

Mam : 5

Pappy : Galat.

Mam : 6

Pappu : Pjir galat

Mam: 7

Pappu : Ye bhi galat

Mam (Harkar) : To tum hi bata do.

Pappu : Hai to 3 hi chinti, vo beech wali hai na jhooth bol rahi thi.


 

Teacher : Ganga, Yamuna, Krishna, Kaveri are the names of some rivers in India. Pappu can you name some rivers in Pakistan ?

Pappu : Rukhsana, Farzana, Rizwana, Sultana, Shabana.


Teacher : Translate the sentence to English – Vasant ne mujhe mukka maara

Student : Vasantpanchmi


 

Geography Teacher : Agar koi chota planet, prithvi se takraye to kya hoga ?

Student : To *tadang* jaisi awaaz ayegi

Teacher (gusse se) : Kyun ?

Student : Ye duniya, ye duniya pital di …


 

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